Why Do Men Put Off, or Avoid, Therapy? (and How To Change That)
- Colin Cook
- Aug 12
- 5 min read
It’s the year 1600, London. You’re standing in front of a stage, watching a play that, at
the time, nobody might have thought would mean more than the few hours you would be there. A man walks out, by the name of Hamlet, who then begins to spend an entire soliloquy speaking about death, grief.
Melancholy.
At the time, the term meant what we now know as depression, and while for most
individuals, such mental health issues won’t necessarily lead to the events of
Shakespeare’s character, the results of depression remain a very real, very human
experience which affects so many. In a 2024 study by the CDC, one-in-five adults
reported symptoms of either anxiety or depression within the previous two weeks prior
to the study (1), with many of these symptoms having real, tangible effects on the daily
lives of those who suffer from them.
Even more distressing, in the years since the pandemic, the gap between men
and women has grown more apparent; while women’s use of mental health resources
has increased, men’s use has actually decreased (2) in a telling sign of just how wide
the disparity is. With the cases of depression being reported more often, and more
people aware of the usefulness of mental health counseling and other stabilizing
behavior, it begs us to better understand the reasons why men continue to see a lack of
willingness to seek out help.
Social Norms
Of course, we’re all aware of the social factors that lead to men feeling as though
their lives must be autonomous beings who ‘don’t ask for help’ (3). That such things are
signs of weakness are very real stigmas that continue to rest within our collective
societal consciousness. Even deeper than that, the divide amongst boys and girls, who both often receive much different conditioning in their formative years when it comes to understanding emotions, often leads to young men handling unfamiliar avenues for coping with complex states of being at a time when their brains are radically changing.
Growing up introverted, I distinctly recall feeling incredibly left out and anxious at
many points in my life, and at the time, I wasn’t even sure why. With little social or
emotional conditioning as to what I was feeling, who I was, why I wasn’t behaving like
most “normal” boys, I was left to my own devices to figure these things out. In my case,
I didn’t feel able to reach out as well as I could have to better understand myself, nor
was the help usually offered to me, as it was expected that I ought to be left alone to
‘sink or swim’ in this respect. The societal thought process might have been that, if I
received help, then, I couldn’t be expected to live autonomously in the future.
Limited Availability of Resources / Information
Another cause is the gap in understanding amongst many men as to what these
mental health issues even are, and perhaps more pressing, what it actually means to
seek out counseling. From individuals who believe that mental health issues are states
that one can’t recover from (4) to those who discredit conditions such as anxiety as “not
a real illness” (5), oftentimes the understanding surrounding mental health concerns
aren’t truly realized amongst various populations. Such conclusions reiterate a heightened need for mental health awareness that many men are not exposed to, with
another cause perhaps contributing to this as well.
Lacking Palatable Context
It’s no secret that men and women can often perceive and understand things
differently, and much the same can be said about mental health awareness. Not only
does improving emotional literacy act as a stepping-stone toward greater awareness, it
turns out that contextualizing that speech in ways that appeal to men also has a greater
effect. Described as ‘male-friendly’ mental health campaigns, various ideas such as
offering clearer language relating to severity of anxiety, pointing out its treatability, and the importance of not emphasizing mental health-related terminology (3) are ways that may make much of the information more accessible to a broader male audience.
Unmet Preferences in Access to Care
In addition to better marketing mental health awareness, men can also prefer
different avenues toward improvement. For many men, offline support often looks more
like informal sources, like a friend or family member, rather than a professional (6),
while men may also prefer online methods of help-seeking, such as search engines,
which participants explained this helped them feel more “independent” and more like
they were able to solve their own problems (7). Keeping in line with the social emphasis
on autonomy, creating spaces where men may feel more like ‘initiators’, rather than
‘receivers’, of treatment, could be a viable route toward improvement for different
populations.
A Need for Self-Compassion
Finally, the role of self-compassion in this sense cannot be overstated. Not only
were men’s ability to show kindness toward themselves shown to increase their
likelihood of help-seeking, it also showed less critical insight toward their self-stigma,
and less resistance to self-disclosure (3).
Much can be said about the mental health of men, in general, and the effects of
our culture in our cherishing of self-reliance and autonomy above so much else
(connecting with others, empathizing, etc.) However, while these massive, systemic
issues certainly need to be addressed, this final point truly encapsulates where the
problem may begin: a need for men to be kinder to themselves. Choosing to be friendly
enough to their own minds, feeling safe enough in vulnerability to ask for help, and
looking at life as a journey rather than a test to be aced.
It may have been five hundred years since Shakespeare explored the effects of
mental distress upon men and the crises such things can cause; in that time, so much
of our world and understanding of one another has changed so considerably. Why not
change our attitudes to reflect kindness toward ourselves and others, as well? Turn
autonomy into community, and self-reliance into giving ourselves the grace to rest?
Perhaps that should be the question.
Colin Cook is a graduate student pursuing his Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Southern New Hampshire University. Colin is currently completing his practicum and internship with New Rhythms Therapeutic Center. Colin uses a relational-cultural lens as a framework to better explore clients' relationships and help foster growth. His ultimate goal as a counselor is to meet clients where they are at and be their biggest advocate. You can schedule with Colin by going to: Request an Appointment
References
1) Terlizzi, E., & Zablotsky, Benjamin, B. (2024). Symptoms of Anxiety and
Depression among Adults: United States, 2019 and 2022.
2) Gao, C. X., McDonald, L. P., Hamilton, M. P., Simons, K., Menssink, J. M., Filia,
K., Rickwood, D., Rice, S., Hickie, I., McGorry, P. D., & Cotton, S. M. (2023).
Inequalities in access to mental health treatment by Australian youths during the
COVID-19 pandemic. Psychiatric Services, 74(6), 581–588.
3) Sheikh, A., Payne-Cook, C., Lisk, S., Carter, B., & Brown, J. S. (2024). Why do
young men not seek help for affective mental health issues? A systematic review
of perceived barriers and facilitators among adolescent boys and Young Men.
European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 34(2), 565–583.
4) Meechan H, John M, Hanna P (2021) Understandings of mental health and
support for Black male adolescents living in the UK. Child Youth Serv Rev
129:106192. 10.1016/j.childyouth.2021.106192
5) Clark LH, Hudson JL, Dunstan DA, Clark GI (2018) Barriers and facilitating
factors to help-seeking for symptoms of clinical anxiety in adolescent males. Aust
J Psychol 70(3):225–234. 10.1111/ajpy.12191
6) Burke L, John M, Hanna P (2022) A qualitative exploration of how young men in
the UK perceive and experience informal help-seeking for mental health
difficulties. Child Youth Serv Rev 137:106440. 10.1016/j.childyouth.2022.106440
7) Ellis LA, Collin P, Hurley PJ, Davenport TA, Burns JM, Hickie IB (2013) Young
men’s attitudes and behaviour in relation to mental health and technology: implications for the development of online mental health services. BMC
Psychiatry 13(1):119. 10.1186/1471-244X-13-119
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